"Happiness is like a butterfly;the more you chase it, the more it will elude you, but if you turn your attention to other things, it will come and sit softly on your shoulder."-Thoreau

Saturday, October 3, 2009

A season of life...

As I have returned to work this year has begun to bring many challenges and professional endeavors. I am pursuing my national board teaching certification this year. This certification in the state of North Carolina translates into a 12% pay raise and the certificate to hang on your classroom wall stating that you have officially jumped through their hoops in hopes to prove yourself sufficient according to the National Board teaching standards. Needless to say it is an intense year long process to produce a portfolio including videos, written commentaries, student work samples, accomplishments, and a final 6 essay written assessment to prove your breadth of science knowledge. That last part really scares me but I don't even have time to start thinking about studying for that part yet. But it seems in midst of this process God had begun to do a wonderful work in my life. I prayed really hard this summer about starting this process because I was worried about the time commitment and with a 20 month old I knew this would be even harder. I began to feel a peace and God speaking to me telling me that now is the time to do this. To be quite honest, I really haven't pursued this certification in the past because of my fear of failing. There is a large percentage of people that do not pass on the first go round and I didn't like the sound of that. I really don't deal well with failure. In fact, I guess you could say I used to have a fear of failing, and in the back of my mind never quite feeling like I was good enough at many things in my life. In the midst of beginning my work I joined a women's Bible study at church, mainly because a friend of mine wanted to start the study. This study has been a catalyst for change in my life and my relationship with God. In the midst of all of the work and pursuit of a professional goal God has spoken to me very loud. Not only has the Bible study provided a means for this change but the 11 AM sermons that Will has delivered have ironically contained many of the same passages that our women's Bible study has been focusing on. It is amazing to see God weaving together the details of life to speak in such a way that is so loud and clear. Our Sunday School lessons that Heth has prepared have only further been a piece of the woven fabric that God has been speaking to my soul. God has spoken so loud to me to get rid of my fears and be complete in His love. When we are complete in Him there is no room for fear. I have read this verse before but never before has it spoken to me like it has in the past few weeks. As I have been praying that God will relinquish my fears and set me free I have felt the greatest sense of peace and calm in the midst of this busy season of my life. If nothing else but to draw me closer to Him, this process has been more than worthwhile. I have watched God weave people, circumstances, and situations together like never before. I am just thankful that I have been able to sense His presence and praise Him with for all that HE is doing. I know that my words are inadequate to articulate my feelings, but I have been praising and thanking Him for speaking to me. Oh how this could have the potential to change my life. To serve Him with passion and no fear of failure. To live everyday dancing in His arms, to live each moment knowing that His love completes me and is without fear. I pray that this continues to transform my life and I can live this everyday.

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